Our community was shocked and saddened by the recent loss of a promising young radio broadcaster, Johnathan Vreeland, who was originally from Hinesville but worked with Foundry Broadcasting here in Statesboro. He was covering a local high school football game in Claxton just prior to his death.
As a media organization, we were especially shaken by the loss of a colleague whose life ended in the course of doing his job. We reached out to our friends at Ogeechee Area Hospice and asked for some resources for managing grief and trauma, not just for ourselves but for many who witnessed this accident or who knew or worked with Johnathan.
OAH's senior hospice chaplain, Nick Spletstoser, provided us with useful information and tips for dealing with the aftermath of this loss. We're sharing that information here for anyone else who may have been affected by this tragedy or others.
Following a traumatic loss like this one, there will be a lot of questions that students, parents, and community leaders will have. The primary impacts that such an experience has on those affected will be from two areas. The two responses are the Traumatic response and a Grief response.
Many have heard of the term Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) or Post-Traumatic Stress (PTS) and are usually intimidated by the term. What we're starting with here is understanding trauma response, not PTSD.
Many professionals believe that if initial care can be provided early enough during a traumatic event, that the symptoms of PTSD can be averted and better managed in the long term.
In order to provide some support for families and students who have experienced trauma, such as this tragic accident, and possibly grief, I would like to offer some initial help for parents, students, and community leaders.
Trauma Response
Parents:
- Support your child and give them space to talk or express what they've experienced. However, refrain from forcing them to talk about it. Your support is more important than getting them to talk. Sometimes forcing them to talk may re-traumatize them (and you).
- Recognize the signs and symptoms of post-traumatic stress: Avoidance (of related activities and/or people), sudden mood changes, hyperarousal (inability to sleep, startle response, concentration problems), and re-experiencing the event also called a "flash-back."
- The signs and symptoms may surface immediately but not always. Most research states that the signs and symptoms of PTS/PTSD may take anywhere from 5-10 years to surface, if not addressed or no support was provided or made available. So, don't feel that the symptoms need to surface immediately. Just be aware and observant.
- Be aware that if there is a previous traumatic event that your child has experienced then this may contribute to what is termed Complex Trauma.
Students, witnesses, and victims:
- Try to understand that what you experienced is not normal, but the psychological and sometimes spiritual responses, are normal responses when it comes to traumatic events. Trauma is a wound of the psyche (or mind). Sometimes that wound also affects us spiritually, especially when the experience involves a death.
- Remember that you were not the only one that experienced the event, but you do not have to react the same way as your best friends or others. If others are crying but you are not, that is okay. If you cannot sleep but your friend hasn't had any issues, that is also normal. Everyone experiences and processes a traumatic experience differently.
- When you feel you are able to, talk with an adult that you respect (parent, grandparent, religious leader, teacher, coach, etc.) but don't expect to get answers. This goal is to verbalize what you experienced and externalize it rather than keeping it inside.
- For those that may have been more involved, or connected, in the accident, there may be a response we refer to as "survivors' guilt." This comes as a reaction to the tragic loss in which you may feel, "it should have been me, not them." If you feel that way, then it is encouraged for you to talk about your experience with a counselor or a therapist.
- If you find yourself struggling with the experience, it's not because you are weak or unable to "handle it."
Community Leaders:
- Encourage use of local community counselors, therapists, chaplains, pastors, and trauma response professionals.
- When someone wants to talk to you about what happened, refrain from trying to cast judgment, opinions, or personal thoughts about the incident. Just focus on listening to the students, victims, or witnesses and giving them a safe space to express what they've gone through.
- It is usually encouraged to conduct a Critical Incident Stress Management (CISM) debriefing, also known as a Critical Even Debriefing (CED), as soon as possible. This a 2-3 hour structured group session that helps those who were exposed to a traumatic event process their experience. Sometimes these events have been known to curb the symptoms of PTS/PTSD. Please note that CED or CISM are not forms of therapy.
- Recognize that even though trauma is a psychological condition, sometimes it is best treated with both Spiritual Support resources as well as Behavioral Health resources.
- Support groups should not be limited to just the students or victims of the traumatic event. The parents or guardians of the students will also need to be a part of a support group in educating and informing them how to help their child face this traumatic experience that they (the parent) couldn't protect them from.
Grief Response
For some of you, there is the possibility of experiencing grief because you knew Johnathan on a personal or professional level. You may have memories of positive experiences and interactions with Johnathan, but the new reality is that there will be no more experiences.
This shock and loss contribute to a sense of grief. While PTS/PTSD is primarily psychological, grief is primarily an emotional response to loss. People process grief in their own ways, but many people refer to Elizabeth Kubler-Ross' five stages of grief. These are Denial, Bargaining, Anger, Depression, and Acceptance.
These responses are very common for those who experience loss of a loved one or close friend. Many seem to think that they occur in a sequence as they are listed. However, experience in working with grief and complicated grief indicates that we emotionally will "bounce around" the emotions. One day you may have "accepted" that the loss occurred. Then later that day you're "bargaining" with God to "take me instead."
Grief is a journey that we all will have to go through. Some sooner than others. Here are some tips to take this journey and to make the loss more bearable.
- Participate and attend a grief support group: The journey of grief is not something that one should take alone. The sense of loss is created because of a missing relationship. It is best healed by engaging in constructive relationships.
- Commemorate the person you've lost: There will be funerals and memorials for Johnathan Vreeland. Attend them. Participate in them. Or, conduct your own personal, constructive way of remembering him. Refrain from risky or potentially dangerous ways to remember someone.
- Journal about your memories and experience: Therapists have found that a helpful tool for individuals that grieve or are "stuck" in their grief is journaling. This is an effective way to externalize your thoughts and emotions. Sometimes this includes "writing a letter" to the deceased.
- Practice religious or existential exercises such as prayer or meditations. Include breathing exercises and reflections of comfort, hope, and peace.
Remember that grief is a journey and it can go on for a long time. Sometimes even years. Time does not heal the loss, but as you engage with others, share in the grief process, and focus on moving forward you will find that the burden of grief is lessened. This is because you're not shouldering your grief alone.
Also, I encourage people who grieve to change their perspective and understanding of what grief is. Many see grief as a precursor to depression, anxiety, or other negative behaviors. Over the years, as a hospice chaplain, I have reflected on what grief is and will sometimes share that grief is one side of a coin. On the other side of that coin is Love.
We don't grieve over things or people that we don't love or who never showed us love. We only grieve over those who have loved us and touched our lives, and we love them or they loved us.
In a reading, I've also heard it this way by author Jamie Anderson: "Grief is love with no place to go." If you are grieving, know that it's because you were loved and have loved someone greatly. In the pain, there is a blessing.
Nick Spletstoser is a Board-Certified Chaplain with a Masters of Divinity in Pastoral Leadership from New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary and Masters of Science in Community Counseling: Family Counseling from Columbus State University. He has served as a staff chaplain with Ogeechee Area Hospice since 2012.
He also serves in the Army National Guard as a chaplain where he has been trained in Family Life Ministry, Traumatic Event Management, Critical Incident Stress Management, PTSD treatment/support methods, Suicide Intervention, and Moral Injury support methods. He is a member of the American Association of Christian Counselors and Clinical Pastoral Education International.
