“That’s it. I can’t take it anymore!” I exclaimed as I lay sprawled out on the bedroom floor.
You ever feel like you don’t know what you’re doing anymore? Like you don’t know where you’re going anymore? Like you don’t know who YOU are anymore? Life can infect our minds with these ambiguous, unanswered questions, when living an unhappy life. Moreover, after countless failures and disappointments when trying to get back on track, it can become very easy to give up on life. But your soul will never give up on itself. Not until it has finished its work here on Earth.
And one of the ways your soul will coax your heart and mind back into a positive space of life-purpose, is by reminding you to prioritize self-love. Even if you don’t fully understand what that means to you in the moment. Your inner being—your soul—will literally make you sit in a room, sprawled out on a bedroom floor, contemplating why you feel so directionless as a human being in life. And it will make you sit right there in silence, until you figure out what needs to be done to bring you back to yourself.
For me, I decided that I needed a 90-Day journey. I needed to sit down every day and voraciously journal through my life experiences. I needed to figure out why I had so much inner sadness, career stagnancy, and romantic unfulfillment. Long story short, I was the problem -- and the answer. Many lessons came out of that journey, as you can imagine, but here are my top three universal ones.
Number One: We Don’t Have to Have All of The Answers.
Listen. I’m a first-born. I’m a Cardinal Sign Libra. I’m an entrepreneur. And I’m a Type-A Personality. If I know how to do anything well in this life, it is how to be controlling. I’ve always been very structured as an individual since very young and chronically over-plan to avoid the unexpected. But through the exploration of this 90-Day journey, some of the most beautiful moments happened when I simply let go. Let go of trying to control everything and everyone in my life. Let go of my self-inflicted standards of perfection. Let go of trying to be everything to everyone at all times. Let go of who I was two years ago. Let go of the mistakes I made two months ago. Let go of the heartache I had amassed up until this point in time. Let go of trying to prematurely force myself into timelines and spaces that I wasn’t ready for yet. Just let go AND TRUST.
And not only was so much stress freed from my shoulders when I stopped harassing myself for such humongous life answers, but it allowed God to step in. It allowed divine timing to take its place. And each time, it brought me the right answers, in the right way, at the right place, at the right time.
Number Two: Bright Days Literally Come Right After Dark Moments.
I think it is so funny how hopelessness creeps into our hearts and minds. How one thought, image, memory, or occurrence has the power to erase all sensibilities and peace present within ourselves. We go through so many things on this life journey. And although I may be young, that did not dissuade life from giving me a healthy dose of it while it could. With all the standards and pressures present today of who you must be and what you must do and should have accomplished by now, it can be truly overwhelming; daunting, even. And when life all around you is presenting something that you don’t have (Facebook feeds, successful family members, hand-in-hand couples, the fear of aging and time running out), your brain will literally go into panic mode and metaphorically eat itself.
All of this I speak from personal experience. Dark moments are difficult. And no, I don’t have all the answers. But what I do know is that we must fight for our lives. We must FIGHT for our lives. And when life sees you fighting for your life, and putting your faith in something greater than yourself, it will come directly to you for support. On this 90-Day journey for myself, after each dark moment that I experienced, a brighter moment came alongside it and eclipsed it. Every time. And it became a memory of the past.
Change. Will. Come.
Number Three: Change is a Part of Life.
Over the course of my 90-Day journey, I moved residences. I had lived on my own before in college, but never with as many bills as I now have. I don’t know what happened, but a light bulb switched on amid the move. The same way it switched on after deciding that I wanted to get out the house and explore the local scene more. So much of my inner angst was caused by me needing to simply change environments. I’m persuaded that when it’s time for you to move on from a person, place, or situation, an inner restlessness will ensue. Your soul knows when it’s time for you to enter your next chapter. And sometimes it will communicate that through an unshakable inner frustration.
And we don’t always have to be up in arms about it. Your soul is simply speaking to you about some things. Especially when it knows that you don’t move on from things easily. (We’re walking down Brandon’s lane now.) My 90-Day journey taught me that it is okay to change, and change is a part of life. It’s always the rudimentary things that get magnified the most when you go on extensive journey like this one. But life always provides the newer levels and understandings within the “simpler” lessons most times.
Well, those are a few of the universal truths that I learned from my 90-Day journey. It was an extremely rewarding journey, but guess what? I’m still imperfect! I am still learning and growing day by day. But I must say that I am much more energized for the future. And I don’t even really know what it holds in store. But what I do know, is that I simply need do my part. And after doing my part, I must surrender my trust to something greater than myself, that will support my path in unfolding in ways that are quite naturally, actually.